Wednesday, June 7, 2006
I fear our dreams of Olympic glory may be over. I guess it's selfish for me to think of that now. It's just hard to accept that our first real shot to bring an Olympic curling gold medal to US, and first Mens world championship gold since 1978, is over.
The doc says he could go with an artificial hip, but the restricted movement would never allow a return to form. I'm more worried about Brad's state of mind. When a competitor like him is told he can no longer perform at a world-class level, it's tough for them to accept. I've seen many brave men sink into deep depression over less.
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
Anyway. Brad went down hard on the ice tonight. Just one of those freak accidents that remind us it can happen to anyone. Even a legend like Brad. He popped right back up like a true champion, but we could tell he was hiding a lot of pain. Hopefully it's just a bruise. I know he took some shrapnel to the hip when he served in the Gulf War. Had to have a metal plate put in or some crap. The only reason I know is he likes to brag to the ladies that he had reinforcement put in his pelvis. Due to his "extreme sexual prowess". Whatever! I just hope he's alright. Seriously. The whole team anchors on him.
Monday, June 5, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Maybe Bode Miller will want to come join us. I hear his ex was Claudia Toth from the Australian women's Olympic team curling team, and that bangin' silhouette you see on the cover of the Ana Arce "Fire on Ice" curling calendar. I think she has a sister! Just let him know we already got the prerequisite "bad boy" on the team and there's no room for two of us.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Essentially what he meant was, curling being on TV period wasn't done in the past. That said, the TV rights to curling are no joke. While it may seem like a step below watching senior women's
WCF sounds a little like a nasty female wrestling organization doesn't it? Wrestling + C-word + Federation (WCF). Hmmm. I'll let you figure what "c-word" might work there.
Monday, May 29, 2006
- Out of the hack
- Rockin the house
- Ice vice
- In the hack
- From the hack
- Throwing the rock
- Hammer Time
- Have broom will curl
- Burly curlers
- Brooms of steel
- Rock knockers
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Here's an interesting follow-up to my recent post on Canada's obsession with Curling. Apparently, the government has expressed genuine concern over the low birth rates they've seen in the past few decades. With the population of Canada in a steep decline, they've put out these public service announcements to get people to consider more sex. Forget about diseases, birth control, or awkward social situations. Just get out there and fuck OK?! It's like you forgot how or something.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Check out this training video for new recruits to the Canadian curling team. I know, they come across like a couple dorks that have been drinking Molsen since 7am. So you have to ask yourself, why is Canada so inextricably linked to curling? The answer is in the numbers, (courtesy the Philly Daily News).
Question: What is the No. 2 sport in Canada, after hockey?
Q: What percent of the world's curlers live there?
A: 94 percent.
Q: How many world titles has the country won?
Q: How many gold medals has it won?
A: One, in 1998.
Only one gold medal. I think they've won more in badminton! How can they have 94% of the world's curlers and only one gold? I think this training video makes it pretty clear.
PS-Where the hell does that word "badminton" come from anyway?
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Looks like Brad and I will get to serve as technical consultants for the film. Can't say I mind the thought of being on movie sets, hanging out in LA, with expenses paid. Isn't per diem Latin for "strip club money"? Publicist says we may even get to have a brief cameo in the movie, or at least play an extra. Keep an eye out for me! I'm the good looking one.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Also like most sports, we're male dominated and not above exploiting (attractive, Ed.) women to raise awareness and money. We're hawking the Ana Arce "Fire on Ice" calendar, which features some artsy photos of hot women curlers. Never to miss out on an opportunity to comment on, if they're not printing photos of, scantily clad women, Playboy has announced they love it. I know what we'll be seeing in ice rinks across the world from now until forever. Rowrrrrr!
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
You know you've really started to take off when classic kids games get adapted for your sport. The old Rock, Paper, Scissors has been updated. The rules, if it isn't already obvious: You and your combatant throw out your hands simultaneously in one of three gestures: now Rock (fist), Sheet (hand flat, palm down), or Broom (four fingers pointed down).
- Rock beats Broom
- Sheet covers Rock
- Broom sweeps Sheet
Friday, May 12, 2006
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Hell. If Brad can keep his nose clean, he might be talking Wheaties box. Too bad those rumors persist of blood transfusions at the Swiss clinic and the night he turned blue in Canada.
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
Those of us that have been around awhile know that this is nothing compared to the real seedy side of curling. The old-timers who used to rig hollow broom handles that misted hot water on the ice ahead of opponents rocks to freeze them in place. Stick pebbles in their sliders to dig up the ice and ruin a competitors line. All sorts of shady crap.
The Masked Mexican Curlers publicly terrorized anyone that dare challenge them. Worse if you were at an unsanctioned event. They claim they've cleaned up their act. Just because you wear a suit now, doesn't mean you're not
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
In any case, time to get that "Curling Rocks!: Volume I" compilation that we've been working on out on the market. Send your suggestions.
- Devil's Broom - The Mountain Goats
- Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
- Our House - Madness
- King of Rock - Run DMC
- Rock of Ages - Def Leppard
- Swept Away - Phish
- Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
- Haunted Hockey Rink - The Zambonis
- Broom People - The Mountain Goats
- Slide It In - Whitesnake
- Broom Love - Andres Levin
- Rock Me - Great White
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
No matter what really happened we all know that when they come back, if they come back, anything that was done afoul will be met with stiff repercussions. I can't say I'm surprised. Tensions are running high, and they'll be making additional cuts to get down to the final roster soon. I could see the disbelief in a lot of the newbies eyes. Probably the first time they've seen a pool of blood freeze to the ice. They never show that on TV. The training staff took their time scraping the blood away, and even then it left a slight pink tint to the ice that will be a reminder for some time to come.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
It's never too late to show your team spirit. Hop on over to the U.S. Olympic Shop and pick yourself up a Curling Team USA sport fleece. It's how Brad stays warm sitting on the sideline. Sorry pal.
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
Brad and I have had it with these "modern" synthetic shimmies they call brooms. We're going old school and using corncob. Maybe we can track down master broom craftsman Hattori Hanzo. He dropped out of the curling scene to escape the fall-out when a rogue band of curlers from Liechtenstein used one of his brooms to beat an official from the World Curling Federation nearly to death. The official looks much better with the fake teeth and glass eye, but that orbital socket will never be right no matter how much plastic surgery they do. Last we heard, Hattori was trimming Bonzai trees and getting drunk on Absinthe. Hope he still knows "the way".
Tuesday, April 4, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
We had our first night of training camp to earn a spot with the U.S Olympic Curling Team. Spent most of the practice getting oriented with the coaching staff, and sizing up the new people. I'm sure it psyches a lot of them out to know there's an honest to god curling prodigy like Brad in the room.
Coaching staff could tell we were anxious to hit the ice, but forced us to watch a lot of tape, sign liability waivers, etc. I swear the training tape wasn't much better than this recruitment video. Trying to put everyone in the right frame of mind for what is sure to be a brutal next few weeks. We all hate to hear it, but it's back to basics.
I may be getting ahead of myself. If you're new to curling, it may look like janitors trying to play shuffleboard on a skating rink. Don't be fooled by the seemingly slow pace, and elegance of the veterans. It's sport, and like any competitive athletic endeavor can be brutal on the weak or uninitiated. Particularly when it's for a battle to be played out on the world stage. You should get up to speed, and learn the basics of curling. We'll have more next week.